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They do not want to hurt or betray their adoptive mother or father.
While she wished to visit the Asian nation of her birth, she was so totally identified with being American, and even "while" that she feared stirring up her past.In point of fact, her adoptive mother had tried to contact her and the adoptive family from the time she was five years old and onward. A young woman from a war torn Asian nation was adopted by a white American family.She will not search for her parents and family because she is convinced they are dead and she does not wish to "betray" her American parents.In all of the cases above, a huge gap existed in this information.Except for the Asian young woman, all were denied any information, mostly because the adoptive families, either wittingly or unwittingly, did not provide necessary facts. Missing genetic information is important for obvious medical reasons.She comes to therapy because she has difficulty maintaining intimate relationships and feels quite depressed. An adopted girl is convinced that her parents are her natural parents.
However, they are unable to explain to her why she is in their wedding photographs when they had told her she was born a year after they married. A male baby is adopted by a Jewish family and is raised in the Jewish religion.
In addition, a Google search of the internet will yield lots of research studies done on this very issue. It is very common for those who were adopted to feel rejected and abandoned by their birth parents. There is no set time or age when these feeling surface but, sooner or later, they do. Feelings of loss and rejection are often accompanied by a damaged sense of self esteem.
There is an understandable tendency to think that "something must be wrong with me for my birth parents to have give me away." It must be understood that these feelings and thoughts are unrelated to the amount of love and support received from the adoptive parents and family. Guilt accompanies loss and grief because the adopted individual believes that they are being disloyal to the people who adopted, loved and raised them.
In the end, lies and distortions never succeed and often result in feelings of anger at the adoptive parent, sometimes causing a breach in the relationship. There are cases where the adopting family lives in a state of fear that, somehow and someday, they will lose their child.
This fear of loss, often irrational, is a powerful motivation to keep the adopted child as close as possible.
While this search is difficult for most teenagers, it presents special problems for adoptee.