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25-Jun-2020 23:50 by 4 Comments

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They told you to slap him if you had to; they told you to get out of the car and start wailing if you had to.

With the exception of the explicit physical details, stories like Grace’s—which usually appeared in the form of “as told to,” and which were probably the invention of editors and the work product of middle-aged women writers—were so common as to be almost regular features of these cultural products.

In fact, the bitterly disappointed girl crying in a taxi muttering, “They’re all the same,” was almost a trope.

Make a few changes to Grace’s story and it would fit right into the narrative of those books and magazines, which would have dissected what happened to her in a pitiless way.

But, like the recent story “Cat Person”—about a soulless and disappointing hookup between two people who mostly knew each other through texts—the account has proved deeply resonant and meaningful to a great number of young women, who have responded in large numbers on social media, saying that it is frighteningly and infuriatingly similar to crushing experiences of their own.

It is therefore worth reading and, in its way, is an important contribution to the present conversation.

But in one essential aspect they reminded us that we were strong in a way that so many modern girls are weak.

They told us over and over again that if a man tried to push you into anything you didn’t want, even just a kiss, you told him flat out you weren’t doing it. You were always to have “mad money” with you: cab fare in case he got “fresh” and then refused to drive you home.

I had assumed that on the basis of intersectionality and all that, they’d stay laser focused on college-educated white men for another few months.

But we’re at warp speed now, and the revolution—in many ways so good and so important—is starting to sweep up all sorts of people into its conflagration: the monstrous, the cruel, and the simply unlucky.

When she saw Ansari at the party, she was excited by his celebrity—“Grace said it was surreal to be meeting up with Ansari, a successful comedian and major celebrity”—which the magazines would have told us was shallow; he brushed her off, but she kept after him, which they would have called desperate; doing so meant ignoring her actual date of the evening, which they would have called cruel.

Agreeing to meet at his apartment—instead of expecting him to come to her place to pick her up—they would have called unwise; ditto drinking with him alone.

Twenty-four hours ago—this is the speed at which we are now operating—Aziz Ansari was a man whom many people admired and whose work, although very well paid, also performed a social good.

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